Monday, November 26, 2007

Winnie "The Muhammad" Pooh

I've been carrying around Winnie The Pooh for more than twenty years. He sits comfortably on my fanny pack, quietly surveying the world as it unfolds behind me. If you live in Boulder and get around much, you've probably seen us at the Farmers Market, Pearl Street Mall, or perhaps just biking around town. The kids at church call me "Mr. Pooh Man" and the rare times I don't have my MountainSmith pack I am asked, "Where's Mr. Pooh?"

Well, today Pooh informed me he's changing his name. When addressed, he no prefers to be called, "Muhammad." I even made up a large name tag at his behest and attached it to him.

When asked, he told me that after 80 years it was time to for a change. But why "Muhammad"? He said it was in solidarity with Gillian Gibbons, the teacher in Sudan thrown in jail Sunday. It seems she allowed her school children to vote on a name for their class bear, and they chose to name it after their prophet.

Pooh (now, "Muhammad") went on to say, "Every religion has its lowlife, but Islam has some real doozies. It's hard enough to imagine throwing someone in jail for giving the most common name in the world to a toy, but some of those who profess to be followers of the Great Muhammad are willing to murder her over it! They and others of their ilk are the real slur on Islam, not Ms. Gibbons."

"The fools cannot see they are the insult to Islam," he continued. "Their deeds will be brought back to them, as they are the creators of their own punishment. For as the prophet Muhammad said, 'A man's true wealth hereafter is the good he does in this world to his fellow man. When he dies, people will say, "What property has he left behind him?" But the angels will ask, "What good deeds has he sent before him?"'"

"Henceforth, this chubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff will be known as Muhammad. And anyone who does not like it? Well they can just kiss my fuzzy little orange butt" was the last thing he said.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Dante's Midlife Crisis

In the middle of the journey of our life,
I came to myself within a dark wood
Where the straight way was lost.
Ah, how hard it is to tell of that wood,
Savage and harsh and dense --
The thought of which renews my fear!
So bitter is it that death is hardly more.
- Dante "Inferno"

Thursday, January 25, 2007

A Recipe for a Biscuit Eater

I whipped up a batch of biscuits tonight that just melted in my mouth. Sometimes there is nothing better than hot buttered biscuits with a generous daubing of our local honey.

Now on to "biscuit eater" - a derogatory term which is applied to dogs who only work for treats. These days with those annoying "clickers" and food pouches, that means just about every dog in Boulder now. If you are using clickers and food treats to train your dog, stop. If you are thinking about it, don't. It's a ridiculously stupid way to train a dog.